5 reasons to have single, casual sex

By Maya Khamala

Maybe you’re in rebound town, or maybe you’re a long-term solo artist. Either way, there is really no need to put pressure on yourself to get re-coupled just because society feeds us illusionary tales. So, you happen to be horny. Well, I’m here to tell you that you can seek and maybe even find good times and satisfaction without being in a committed relationship. 

Does that seem obvious? Good. But a surprising number of people still harbour hangups and judgments about unattached sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with committed relationships, but there might be something wrong with entering into one when you’re not ready and what you actually need is some simple yet quality lust fulfillment. Besides, as many of us who have been in dedicated long-term scenarios know, having a partner is never a guarantee that you’re actually having sex, let alone excellent sex. 

So, if you feel like screwing around—responsibly and safely of course— listen to your body, and get yours, I say. And if you’ve never gone on a sex rampage before, all the more reason to try it. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not encouraging you to have any more sex than you want to have. The single sex sweet spot looks different for everyone. What might be a string of one night stands for one person could be a couple of regular/casual lovers for another.

Still need a reason to get down while single? Here are five.

1. It’s all about you  

Feel like being a little bit selfish in bed? You can. “Selfish” has a bad rap, but when it comes to getting what we want or need in bed, non-men usually have quite the opposite problem: aiming to please to the point where our own pleasure becomes a side story. As long as you’re being respectful and honouring the consent of all parties involved (maybe there are more than 2!), it’s likely that asking for what you want and learning how to receive without guilt will renew you. And when you’re renewed, you generally have a lot more to give to others. Bonus: once you're confident expressing your deepest desire to your FWB (sometimes easier than with official partners because the stakes are seemingly lower), you may just get exactly the training you need to have the same discussion with a serious partner further down the line. 

2. You can explore more freely 

Got a sexual bucket list? Many of us do, even if we don’t call it that. There’s a pretty high chance that some of the things you’ve always wanted to do are incredibly difficult to navigate while in a relationship, and others may truly necessitate singledom. So take advantage, I say. Maybe you’ve always wanted to take part in a gang bang (gasp) or a threesome. Or maybe it’s simply the freedom to explore certain toys, games, or kinks without having to compromise with a partner who may or may not be into said things. This type of single exploring can go a long way toward helping you figure out what you really love—on your own terms. If you've always wanted to explore being submissive or dominant, for example, you can find someone with more experience than you and see what you can find out about yourself. And if you don't dig it, no one is stopping you from moving on to the next item on your list.

3. The world is your cornucopia 

Seriously, it’s a veritable fruit bowl. You can: swipe any which way on your dating app(s) of choice; flirt your face off at a bar; cafe, or a library; or hey, you can even get yours at a bonafide singles' event. Maybe now’s the time to attend a sex party for the first (or second) time. Maybe your goal is to get down and dirty with yourself more. If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight, it’s none of your business. Same goes for you. When you’re not tied down (figuratively speaking), you can hook up with who you want when you want, as long as you're being safe and respectful. And if/when you decide you’re gonna be totally celibate for a fortnight to, uh, cleanse your sexual palate, it’s your call and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. You can sex, sext, or video “chat” as you please.

4. It’s exciting and unpredictable 

We have all heard tales of monogamy turning to monotony and some of us have been there. And hey, even poly or other alternative relationship types are still relationships. No matter what kind of bond you’re nurturing, it often does become routine after a while, sexually, and maybe emotionally too. Now I’m all for putting the work in to keep the magic alive in a relationship—when it works, you’re golden, and love is damn sweet. But although there can certainly be emotional drawbacks to playing the field as a single woman (don’t I know it), you’re a lot less likely to get bored if you’re following your desire with any level of honesty. True, you might not always be satisfied, but you will have new experiences with new people.

5. There’s no obligation to define things 

Casual sex isn't for everybody. I myself go through phases when the idea of casual sex is like a toxic assault, and all I want is to be held and seen for who I really am. But then I go through other phases when all I can do is fantasize about being the plaything of multiple men at the same time. And hey, sometimes these phases are side by side in the course of one menstrual cycle. #realtalk If you can take away the pressure to define things with every person you meet, thereby taking a break from defining things, there’s a chance you could have a lot of fun. As long as you’re honest with yourself about how you feel, and honest with others about where you’re at, I think you’re doing yourself a world of good. Confidence is sexy, so wear that shit on your sleeve, and enjoy the single life while it lasts.

Happy sexing, solo sirens. 

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