I like orgasms; the small ones, the tingly ones, the eruptive ones, the cleansing ones, the cathartic ones, the guilt-ridden ones, the boring ones. There are the ones that make you want to stand up and give the good Lord a round of applause for His fucking genius in biology. There are even the ones that make you want to burrow under the covers in shame. I like them all.

Despite of all the content and material you can find today on masturbation and orgasms in women, their stigma and taboo are still fairly prevalent within society. 

The problem is that society teaches girls to not only hate their bodies - but also to look for validation of who they are from anyone other than themselves.

While in my teenage years, I was surprised at how averse women felt to masturbating. I was shocked at the number of girls and young women I knew who had never had an orgasm - despite all of the sex they were supposedly having. Huh!?

This, at first, made me feel embarrassed. I began masturbating at a super young age. By the time I was a teenager, I could muster up an orgasm easily enough (don’t mean to toot my own horn). Even more embarrassing? At that point, I was still a virgin. Never having had a boyfriend, and never daring enough for even a brief hook-up, I held that V-card longer than I probably would have liked (facedown, so no one would see it).

All in all...I just didn’t get it. How could you have never experienced an orgasm? Especially with all the intimacy that comes with being in a relationship? I’d never even had actual sex before, and I was having what seemed like more than my fair share. It didn't add up.

Looking back on it now, I understand that maybe it was a bigger problem. The problem is that society teaches girls to not only hate their bodies - but also to look for validation of who they are from anyone other than themselves. That being said, these girls might have expected an orgasm to be the result of what the guy they were with was doing, and not necessarily something they could control on their own.


Listen, I’m not trying to glamourize masturbation as this complex of female emotion and desire. Straight up, it can be something you mindlessly do while scrolling your Facebook feed. I’m just trying to get at the fact that we shouldn’t, as young girls, hand over our bodies for someone else to deal with. Fuck that. Nor should we treat masturbation as this icky thing we do under the covers at night.

Getting yourself off is 100% A-Okay...regardless of whether you’re a woman or man. 

I’m not entirely sure why someone would start masturbating. I don’t mean as a lifestyle choice, but in that exact moment. When you're alone and under the covers. What makes a woman say, “Yeah! Think I’m gonna go at it, right about now.” Of course, it feels good, but that’s not necessarily a woman’s primary reason for seeking out an orgasm at a particular moment. At least not for me anyway. Sometimes, yes: I’ve just read a juicy book, and I have to relieve a few muscles, but most of the time...it’s a bit more than that. 

Most of the time, I’m sold out to an idea. The idea that I’ll connect with someone enough to want to have him inside of me. To want his hands all over me. It’s a nice thought, and in those moments when dopamine floods my brain, leaving no room for inhibitions, I tend to wholeheartedly believe that nice thought…and, well, then I go at it.

I find orgasms are pretty good reflections of where my head-space is truly at, at that point in time. How I feel after an orgasm is probably one of my most vulnerable moments. 

Depending on what kind of orgasm I have, I might feel optimistic about finding the right person to connect with. On the other hand, I might feel it’s never going to happen, and I’ll inevitably be reduced to these lonely sessions by myself for the rest of my life. I might feel on top of the world and without any need to have someone else come in and invade my personal space. Sometimes, I come out of an orgasm and immediately move on to the next thing, completely forgetting my few moments of bliss as though I were simply completing everyday routine. Like brushing my teeth.

I don’t particularly feel guilty for having orgasms, though I remember how much I used to as a teenager. Some people that I know, women and men alike actually, seem rather perplexed by the idea of female masturbation. Although, I don’t exactly understand why… Why would I allow someone else to touch me when I can’t even touch myself? How could I expect the person to know what I like if I don’t even know? I guess that little piece of logic escaped most of us during What It Takes to be a Lady 101.

I think society might want women to understand pleasure, love and desire as being things that can only be met by something or someone outside of themselves. As if women couldn't validate and support their own desires and pleasures. 

The point I’m trying to make is that I freaking know myself - and masturbating helped. I kid you not. I know what I like and what I don’t. I know what I want from a partner as well as what I’m willing to give. I gave myself the time, however young I was, to actually learn about my body and my desires. My body is my own and when I share it with someone, I understand what I’m giving. Because of that, I can give it completely and without regret.

Just a reminder: We already have everything we need within ourselves to love and be loved. This little fact seems to have eluded social convention.