Aside from childbirth, an orgasm is the most intimate act known to man. Some people are gifted with sensitivity and high libidos, while others need every single star to be aligned to climax. 

The majority of people associate the ability to orgasm with being in love with your partner. While that deep connection definitely plays a large part, we must not overlook the external factors that lead to the best sex of your life. 

Think about these two scenarios:  

A) You and your partner slow cook a delicious seafood dish together, share a bottle of a smooth sauvignon blanc, and have a long, deep, emotional talk about what places in the world you want to see, your favorite authors and how you would define a fulfilling life.

B) You and your partner use your coupons to get a 2-1 movie, then sneak into a double feature and share an extra-large popcorn and Diet Coke with two straws (because you’re thrifty like that). 

Which scenario do you think is most likely to lead to mind-blowing sex? (Honestly, I was turned on by just writing A!

In pretentious academia jargon, this concept is called erotic plasticity. I know what you’re thinking…‘erotic what now?’ The first thing I thought when I read that word was ‘There’s a special plastic that is used only on female sex toys?' But nah. Erotic plasticity is a term coined by social psychologist Roy Baumeister and is used to describe the degree to which one’s sex drive can be changed by cultural or social factors. One has high erotic plasticity when their sexual desires are highly affected by social and cultural factors - or specific situations. 

Women’s sex drives are much more socially flexible and reactive than those of men.

Factors such as political views, culture, intelligence, personal style and religion mattering a whole lot more to women in terms of attraction. While guys may be able to stick it in and cum in the back seat of their mom’s Honda Odyssey...women, on average, have a harder time letting go in super unsexy situations or surroundings. I suppose this makes sense, doesn’t it? I’d have a hard time coming amidst empty water bottles, a yoga mat, Starbucks napkins and a 6-month-old People magazine.

But seriously, think about it; imagine having a super awesome date and then finding out that the person is a pro-life, anti-LGBTQ Trump supporter? [Cue: The largest vaginal drought known to man]. This seems so intuitive to me, yet so many people are either unaware or lazy. Or they just don’t know how to take advantage of this concept.

Both men and women need to learn to cater to erotic plasticity, to focus, pay attention to and nourish the ‘pre-sex context’.

Bare yourself emotionally, create a sexy and erotic mise en scène, take a bath together, cook naked, read each other poetry, listen to Chet Faker (my personal sexy time favorite) … anything other than your every day routine. I promise it will work.

And for the record, I’m not saying the stick it in and pound isn’t good…there’s just a time and place for everything ?.