Are you waiting for your future husband to find you? Do you get dressed up every Friday and Saturday night (wearing just the right amount of expensive makeup, lipstick, and concealer) and go out and stand elegantly by the bar, waiting to be approached? Are you the kind of person who waits for your cute Tinder match to make the first move? 

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Ladies, it’s 2018. We no longer have to travel in horse-driven carriages, wear uncomfortable corsets, or wait for men to ask us out. Waiting for cute guys to notice us is a fool’s errand. We can wrest back control of our love lives. We can shoot our shot, as scary as it might seem. And that makes a huge difference – think of how many more dates you get to go on, with men of your choice! Here’s how to do it.

 

1. Think about how often men deal with rejection 

I can promise you that men are out there – in the trenches – getting rejected daily. Rejection is their bread-and-butter. They’re constantly walking up to pretty girls (on the street, in the metro, at the gym, at cafes, at shopping malls) and shooting their shot. They’re always sliding in DMs and initiating conversations on Tinder. 

Think of the rando who has the unimpeachable confidence to comment on Rihanna’s- RIHANNA’S- Instagram photo with “Got Kik?” That man has the confidence of God. That man is serenely shooting his shot, regardless of his chances. That man does not care about the 100% chance that he will not get a reply. Be that man. Channel that man. Go for it and don’t worry about being rejected. 

 

2. Don’t worry about turning men off 

They generally love feeling desirable. Yes, conventional wisdom says that men like the chase. But it’s ridiculous to live your life by this arbitrary rule – it’s false as often as it is true. There are plenty of men out there who are too shy and awkward to ask women out. (Not to mention, there are men who are too lazy to do it.) 

Asking that good-looking guy who lives in your building if he’s single isn’t a move that reeks of desperation. Don’t get hung up on the notion that you’ll freak him out by doing something that men usually do. We are all human beings – he’ll definitely be flattered by your positive attention. 

Besides, if he is really that weak and insecure in his own masculinity that he’d get turned off by you showing interest – was he really worth your time anyway? You’re doing yourself a favour by turning off the wrong men. 


3. You WILL get good at it with time 

It doesn’t matter how rubbish you are at flirting. Remember, you’re new to this! Nobody – not even Ryan Gosling – was born with game. It’s absolutely fine to stutter and flutter as you say ‘Hi’ to a handsome man at the store. 

Practice as much as you can, in different kinds of venues and circumstances. Practice until you find a go-to move you’re comfortable with. 

“Hey, I think you’re interesting/attractive and I’d love to get to know you.” You can even flip it around – go up to a hot dude and ask if he’s interested in buying you a drink! You don’t even have to be explicit: subtle signals will help convey a message of interest! Lay a hand on his arm, or make prolonged eye contact from across the room at a party. This is often enough to get him to approach and talk to you. Whatever it is, just get cracking, girl – keep your cool, and soon you’ll be the Steph Curry of shooting your shot. Good luck, sis. 

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