The D-word. Sigh. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? The humiliation and the heartbreak that comes with being dumped is part of the universal human experience. No matter what terms you ended on, it’s never easy to be broken up with. You may be tempted to wallow, to not get out of bed, to order takeout for every meal and cry until your pillowcases are soaked through – and that’s fine!

But there’s a better way to get through it, trust. Here are some tips for making it through even the toughest breakup- and out the other side. 


1. You need a change 

Breakups are the perfect opportunity to take stock of your life and shake things up. Is there a haircut you’ve always wanted but never thought you could pull off? Book it, now that you’re out of shits to give. 

Go sign up for that dance class you’ve been eyeing. Start watching that TV show your ex wasn’t interested in. You need to feel like a new person – and the only way to do that is by doing new things! Build a life for yourself that is rich and complete, one that doesn’t revolve around another person. 


2. Create healthy routines instead of unhealthy ones

Sometimes self-care doesn’t mean crying over gourmet ice-cream while watching You’ve Got Mail for the hundredth time. It doesn’t mean reckless online shopping, or going out to get drunk every night. All these things might feel good in the moment when you’re freshly broken up, but they will make you feel worse in the wrong run, sis. If you can channel your grief and frustration into an exercise routine, or fulfilling activity- this will go a long way toward healing. 

3. Don’t be afraid to lean on your friends

There’s no shame in reaching out to people and saying “I’m having a hard time.” Your girlfriends are your lifeline in any breakup! Don’t isolate yourself or spend days alone in bed and un-showered, listening to Sade. Call your friends over, or go to their place. Make an effort to spend time with them when you can. Breakups call for a distraction, and what better distraction than your friends? (Bonus: nobody is better at criticizing your ex than your girlfriends! They’ll be happy to tell you how rude and annoying he was, and why you’re better off.)


4. Reminder: you are enough 

One of the hardest things about being dumped is the feeling of Not Being Enough. You feel like you were lacking in some way, some crucial way, and that’s why someone left you. You have to hold on to the belief that it isn’t that. Breakups are rarely about lack, they’re about two people who don’t fit together quite right (a round peg and a square hole). Don’t use a breakup as an excuse to whale on yourself. 

Here’s the good thing about being dumped. As the dumpee, you never have to wonder if you made a mistake. You’ll never lie awake at 3 AM regretting your choices, or thinking “what if.” You did everything you could, and now you can walk away with no regrets! 

Time is far, far kinder than any of us know. Before you realize it, you’ll be looking back on this period in your life and reflecting on what it taught you. A breakup isn’t always a time to grieve; more often, it’s a time to learn. Feel your feelings, but don’t allow them to consume you: let them go when the time is right! You’re freeing yourself up for the next – better- relationship. Good luck! 

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