Men’s bums. And bums in general, really. Many people are still a bit put off by the asshole, and even with the endless advent of anal sex, the mainstream still seems far more into women being on the receiving end than men. But the thing is, whether your guy (or your trans gal) tends to cum quicker or “more easily” than you or not, I’ve always subscribed to the belief that people of all genders are capable of more profound orgasms—and that the world just might be better off if everyone who wanted to was reaching their orgasmic potential.

Enter men’s bums—so to speak. Non-gay men of all stripes love anal stimulation and/or sex, and yet they are not always vocal about it. When they are, some of their women partners are positive and responsive about it, and some are not. 


If you’re of the former variety, and wanna, um deepen your man’s pleasure by giving him a mind-blowing prostate orgasm (aka prostate “milking”), this one's for you. Let me clarify at this juncture that while women's Skene glands—located at the front of the vagina and often credited with the phenomenon that is female ejaculation—are known also as the female prostate, here we focus on men’s anally accessible variety of prostates. Got it? Good.

The male g-spot 

Some trans women call the prostate their G-spot, and it has also been called the P-spot. Similar to the G-spot, the prostate is an internal pleasure point which, when stimulated properly, can seriously deepen and intensify your partner’s orgasm. Hell, many women also find their orgasms are most intense with anal in the picture. “Obviously, sometimes you can have a great penis orgasm,” says sex toy inventor and Hot Octopuss founder Adam Lewis, “But I would say on average [a prostate orgasm] is a much more intense experience, lasts longer, and would be more heightened than your traditional orgasm.”

Anal play without prostate stimulation can still be very delicious, of course. But the P-spot is the icing on the cake—there are almost as many nerve endings in the prostate as there are in the clitoris, which has over 8,000.


The how-to

You can stimulate the prostate in a variety of ways: with your finger(s), a sex toy, or via pegging. But before you go diving in, do communicate. You should both be comfortable and even excited about what’s about to go down. Perhaps this seems obvious, but as with any new sexual territory, this always bears repeating. 

If either of you is new to this, fingers are probably a good place to start. Be sure your nails are trimmed, your hands clean and free of cuts, and take off any rings. Some people also like to create a barrier by using a condom. Although this is not necessary, this is a great way to protect you from bacteria if you do have a cut. Additionally, you’ll need a quality lube for this sort of play since the anus ain't self-lubricating, and wearing a condom over your finger(s) provides a non-absorbent layer for the lube to sit on. Personally I prefer silicone-based lube for all things anal but it can be messy, which is why some prefer water-based lubes even though they dry up faster and require more frequent reapplication. 

Your partner, the receiver, should try to empty their bowels that day if either of you is concerned about encounters of the poopiest kind, and just for simple ease of entry of course. Stimulating the prostate doesn’t actually involve deep penetration, so messiness is not as common as you may think. If you or your partner is concerned however, he can always use an anal douche for extra reassurance. He should, of course, also give himself a good external cleaning. What else? He should pee first too, ‘cause prostate stimulation makes a lot of people feel like they need to pee, especially if they're new to the sensation.


The easiest receiver positions include having him lay on his back with his legs apart, on his stomach with a pillow propping his hips up, or on all fours. By all means, y'all should experiment and go with what works best for both of you. Also worth noting: men can have prostate orgasms with or without stimulation to the penis. So if you wanna stroke his cock simultaneously, make sure he's in a position that facilitates that.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of anal anything, you know to never skimp on the warm up. With the help of copious lube, awaken his external nerve endings by stroking the external area for starters. You can use your fingers for this, your tongue, an anal-safe vibrator, or a prostate massager. Slowly experiment with a bit of shallow insertion (first with one finger only) to relax their anal muscles, and spend time stimulating the area until he is practically begging you for deeper penetration. Be patient. For P-spot stimulation you’ll likely only need one or two fingers at most so there is no real need to graduate to large toy or anything with massive girth.


Finding the prostate 

It’s always good to know what you’re looking for. A lot of people describe the prostate as feeling somewhat like a walnut. It’s a raised, firm, textured area located internally on the front wall. “It's about two inches in the rectum toward the belly," explains sex educator and professor Susan Milstein.

Remember: two-way communication is always key. Your guy may have already explored prostate orgasms solo. If he has, he’ll likely be keen on sharing his self-knowledge with you. If he hasn’t, y’all can explore that new ish it together: hotness. When you find it, it will likely make him feel a bit like peeing. Odd though it may seem, this is a good sign you’re in the right zone.

Once you’ve found the prostate, use your fingertip(s) to stroke it baby. Much like the G-spot, the P-spot responds well to the “come-hither” motion. Gently and carefully try different pressure levels and motions to discover what feels best for your partner.

There you have it, friends. P-spot orgasm 101. Pleasure for all and to all a good life.

/Shutterstock