5 ways to help him last longer in bed (so you can get yours)

For those among us with a partner who’s got a penis, issues can at times crop up around endurance. If he cums immediately, or too fast, or could simply use a little more control in the area that is ‘holding out long enough for you to get yours’ (or longer), you may have wondered if there are tactics out there worth trying. Of course, you’re in luck, because, hell yeah, of course there are. And—with any luck, they’ll just make sex hotter (not just ‘cause they’ll draw it out, but because trying new things is hot).

If you’re looking for ways to make him last longer, consider the following 5 special sensual tactics for a more prolonged road to release:

1. Cunnilingus

This is just code for more foreplay. If the agreed upon aim is to have him last longer so you actually get a chance to finish, it’s only natural that if he is getting close, y’all should switch it up and instead have him focus on your pleasure. If you haven’t, go deeper into teaching him all the things that make you feel fantastic. Instruct him as he licks, sucks, or touches you. Try not to think of it as a linear thing, if you can. Enjoy your playtime for as long as possible by switching back and forth into the roles of pleaser and pleasee. Or—you could always 69: if he gets close in this position, simply stop, ease up, or lightly squeeze the base of his cock to delay erection as a cock ring would. 

2. Cock rings

Speaking of cock rings, they’re handy little devices to have. A cock ring works by restricting blood flow into the shaft of the penis, which a) helps maintain a stronger erection, b) stops him from cumming as easily or as quickly, and c) prolongs both partners’ pleasure. Cock rings are very safe to use so long as you follow instructions, don’t use ‘em constantly, and don’t let your partner fall asleep wearing one, ‘cause leaving one on too long can cause damage.

3. Taking breaks

I don’t care what anyone says. Taking breaks during sex is the absolute best. If you see taking breaks as part of the arousal journey, it may just help snap you out of the common, overly efficient ‘point A to point B’ mentality. When it comes to sex, the journey really is the destination, so why hurry through it? I suggest going with the flow by kissing a bit, making out some, maybe beginning to undress and touch each other with hands, tongues….then maybe you collect yourselves and cuddle a bit, talk, or look into each other’s eyes. Then you get re-aroused (naturally), and continue. Maybe you fuck for a bit, stop for 5 or 10. Try a new position or two. Stop again. Take a sip of water.  Keep going like this and the arousal will keep building upon itself without exploding too soon.

4. Edging

Edging simply means bringing your partner to the edge of climax, only to tease them by stopping a moment too soon for them to cum. If this sounds like heaven to you, ask your partner to try it on you. For the purposes of more actively prolonging him, you might try edging in any number of ways (note that the better you know your partner’s reactions, the better this will work). You could suck him and stop when you recognize the usual signs that he’ll cum soon, before starting again (repeat this X times). This can also act as a sort of “training,” if you will, to help teach him how to dwell in arousal longer without, well, rushing and gushing over the edge.

5. Tantra

Tantric practice is an ancient Indian tradition of beliefs and rituals that originated in the 5th century, and tantra, or tantric sex is among these rituals. It’s hard to explain tantra briefly as there is a lot to learn and explore, but the basic principles include extended foreplay, more profound touching, deep breathing, and putting orgasm out of mind in favor of focusing on intimate connection (something our culture’s overemphasis on orgasm at times glosses over). Try a tantric exercise, join a class, or buy a book detailing its inner workings, and prepare to explore new territory with your man. If he’s into the idea already, you’re probably in for a beautiful experience.

While, in some situations, premature ejaculation may be enough of an issue to cause major tensions in your relationship, and your partner may want to seek out meds to deal, in many cases the issue is simply a matter of unlearning habits, rewiring thoughts, slowing down, exploring new territory, and nurturing a more profound connection. Sometimes this also means overriding much of what mainstream porn culture teaches us about what our sex goals should be. Whatever the path you choose, where there are two partners who want to prioritize each other’s pleasure, there is always a way.

One love.