By now, we all know that our bodies react negatively to stress. Stress can affect both our mood and our sexual desire. Realizing what your hidden stressors are is the first step in fixing it.

Let’s take a look at libido’s top killers and ways that you can change your negative (and potentially harmful) behavioural patterns. 


1) Body Image

Sexy does as sexy feels. Tons of men and women struggle with low self-esteem when it comes to their bodies. This can have a huge influence on sexual desire and drive. If your esteem is what’s stopping you from being confident, you need to explore new ways of feeling better about yourself. This can be as obvious as researching gyms or group classes in your area, or as abstract as going on a trip by yourself. Whatever it is – the cost, time and hassle will be worth it.


2) Relationship Stressors

Sex is as psychological as it is physical, so you may need to take a long look inside yourself to figure out the problem. If there’s any tension between you and your partner, it could be affecting your libido. 

If sex ever feels like a chore then you both need to boss up and talk about it, even if it makes you sad or uncomfortable. Desire naturally declines when things stay stagnant or “boring”, and you might get new ideas after talking it through. 


3) Birth Control

Fact: testosterone spikes during ovulation, and you do not ovulate every month when you’re on the pill. It’s normal to have a weaker libido when you take the pill, but it’s not normal for it to die out completely. You should make time to research other birth control methods, and talk to peers as well as your doctor. 


4) Fatigue

Being “too tired” to have sex is not an excuse; it’s a very real thing. Most people wait until the end of the day to have sex, since that’s when you’re “retiring” to the bedroom. If you’re wondering why you don’t get aroused it’s possibly because you’re pooped, spent, donezo. Instead, choose a time of day when you feel energetic or at least well-rested - maybe early morning, late afternoon, or over the week end when you’re feeling your most relaxed.   


5) Diet

Fruits and vegetables are powerful in the realm of sexual desire and performance (and, of course, overall health). Any foods containing citrulline (an amino acid that boosts the body’s nitric oxide levels) help to relax the blood vessels, increasing sexual desire. Foods high in citrulline are onions, garlic, watermelon and all legumes. Fried foods are a big threat to sexual health - trans-fats cause a huge drop in libido. Any meal rich in carbohydrates will cause what’s called a tryptophan rush in the brain. It’s that zoned out feeling you get, which can lead to feeling exhausted (see previous point)!

The possibilities are endless, but the most important part is that you don’t accept low – or no - sexual desire as your new normal.

If it is something worth working out with your partner, you both need to put in the effort and figure out what habits to cut out or alter to improve both your moods and libidos. Alternatively, it could be time to move on from a relationship as there is nothing wrong with you or your libido, but with the partnership.