Horatio Slice: Well, Everyone on Earth Knows Me!

Snake pointed to a window. “Aim at that one, and hurry!”

A loud chord caused the wall to explode outward, sending shards of glass and brick to the ground below. “Great. That’s a twenty-foot drop,” Horatio said.

“For us, it’s not.” Snake waved his hand and a shimmering circle appeared in midair, about a foot from the opening.

“What the fuck is that?”

“A portal, you dimwit. Jump!” Snake shouted.

“No fucking way, dude.”

Six guards appeared, each burlier than the next. “You can either trust me, or get destroyed by those blokes,” Snake said. “Choose wisely.”

Horatio held his breath and jumped, followed by Snake. They both laughed out loud when their asses hit soft sand.

“This is the most fucked-up night of my life,” Horatio said. He unstrapped his guitar and placed it face up on the ground next to him. “Where are we now?”

“Environ. This is my home base,” Snake said. “My ship is around here somewhere.”

“Ship?” Horatio took another look at Snake’s clothes. “What are you, some kind of pirate?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I am. A space pirate.”

Horatio frowned. “And a space pirate does what, exactly?”

“Steals things. For money. And entertainment.” Snake gave Horatio the once-over. “What does a rock star do?”

“Makes music. For money. And entertainment.” Horatio leaned back on his hands and gazed up at the stars. “The world I knew has suddenly lost all meaning.”

“You went from guitar player to guitar slayer.”

“Guitar Slayer. That kicks ass. That’s my new title. Horatio Slice, Guitar Slayer of the Universe.”

“That’s a great title for a book. Or a movie. Or a graphic novel. You should think about that,” Snake said with a nod.

“Think so? Maybe it would make The New York Times Best Sellers list.” Horatio sighed. “New York. Damn. Will I ever see it again?”

Snake put his hand on Horatio’s shoulder. “I can help you get back home. Where do you want to go?”

“Can you take me to Brooklyn?”

“Sure, I’ve been there dozens of times. I can even make a direct portal to Times Square.”

“I’ve seen you do it, but how do you do it?”

Snake stood up and helped Horatio to his feet. “Magic. Watch.”

He twisted his left hand in a circle, but Horatio didn’t see anything magical.

“What the bloody hell?” Snake said, confused. “I’ve never had this issue before.”

Horatio picked up his guitar and slung it across his back. “Maybe you ran out of pixie dust or something.”

Snake shot him a scowl before trying twice more with the same results. “Let me try a different location.” Snake twirled his wrist, and another shimmering circle appeared. “Ha!” he said. “My magic is intact.”

“Whoa!” Horatio reached out a hand to touch the portal and got sucked in, with Snake right behind him. This time, they landed on their feet in a large flowerbed. “We are definitely not in New York,” Horatio said with a huff.

“No, this is Petulia. I don’t understand. I can’t get to Earth. Damn. Let me make a call.” Snake pulled out a cell phone and dialed. “Sugar? I can’t get a portal to open up to Earth. It seems to be sealed off. Can you check on that for me?” Horatio could hear the conversation on both sides.

“Sure. Seven, take us to Earth.” The voice on the other end sounded raspy and tough, like Batman, but an octave higher. “Okay, he’s entering the coordinates. He’s pushing the button. Access denied? What the fuck? The monitor is flashing red letters that say, ‘Access denied.’ I smell Meridian’s stink all over this.”

“I think I might know why,” Snake said. “Let me get back to you.”

Horatio heard Sugar ask, “Where are you now?”

“Petulia. I’ll call you back.” Snake shoved the phone in his pocket. “Okay, tell me the truth. Who are you, and where are you from?”

Horatio groaned in frustration. “Dude, I told you. I’m a rock star, for fuck’s sake. Everybody knows me.” He thumped his chest with a closed fist. “Horatio Slice? Monotony?” Horatio groaned again at Snake’s blank stare. “Well, everyone on Earth knows me.” Earth. Damn, he wanted to go home.

Snake took his phone back out and dialed. “Sugar, ever heard of a guy named Horatio Slice?”

The response came almost immediately, this time on speaker. “No. Seven, have you ever heard of a guy named Horatio Slice? Yeah, it is a strange name. Do an internet search. Hang on, Snake, Seven is looking it up. He’s a what? A rock star? Plays music in a band called Monotony. Did you get all that?”

“Yeah.” Snake gave Horatio the side eyes. “Tell Seven to find a photo and describe him.”

“Okay, he’s doing that now,” Sugar said. “Holy shit, is that him? Wow. He’s yummy.”

“‘Yummy’ doesn’t tell me anything, Sugar,” Snake said, rubbing his forehead.

“Sorry. He’s built like a brick shit house. Long dark hair, snake tats, piercing blue eyes. Find a naked picture, Seven.”

“There are no naked pictures of me on the internet!” Horatio frowned. “At least none that I’m aware of.”

“Yeah, well, Seven just found five. Nice dick, by the way,” Sugar said.

Horatio heard a different voice shrieking in the background. “We love the one of you in the bathtub! The rubber ducky is a nice touch!”

“Oh my god. What will my mother say?” Horatio buried his face in his hands.

“Well, I guess he’s who he says he is,” Snake said.

“Bring him back to the ship,” Sugar said.

“Later.” Snake stuffed the phone back into his pocket. “He says you have a nice dick. Prove it.”

Snake smiled. Horatio smiled back, set his twelve string on top of an evergreen shrub, and unzipped. His cock burst out, hard and ready for action. Snake snickered. “Sugar didn’t mention how gigantic it is!” He grabbed it in his fist and bent over to lick the head. “Can I suck it or fuck it...or both?”

“Both, but we should kiss first. Otherwise, it feels dirty.” Horatio was a fan of most body parts, particularly asses. Lips were his second favorite, and he’d been dying to get his mouth on Snake’s all night. “Where should we go? I mean, do you have a place around here?”

“Go?” Snake put a hand on the back of Horatio’s neck. “This is one of my favorite places to fuck. The flowers make a perfect bed.”

Horatio meant to protest, but Snake’s hot kiss took over and called the shots. The dude had skills—master skills. Snake looked twenty years old, but kissed like he’d been practicing for centuries. Horatio forgot the portal and the jail and the blood-stained floor. All that existed was Snake’s mouth and the crisp night air. They rolled in the flowers, battling for top position until Horatio gave in and let Snake pin him underneath his lithe body.

“You’re a fucking stud,” Snake said. “Let’s take our clothes off. I want to see these muscles up close.”

Horatio told Snake no way, but after a moment of staring into those shimmering silver eyes, he ended up naked and flat on his back in the flowers, with an equally naked Snake straddling his thighs.

“Fuck me, look at these tits,” Snake said, squeezing Horatio’s pecs and tweaking his nipples with his thumbs. “Big and juicy, just like the rest of you. I think your mother raised you on raw meat.” Snake ran his fingers over Horatio’s bicep. “I love this snake tattoo on your arm. The detail is incredible.”

“I paid big bucks for that tat...hey, how can you even see it?” While they kissed, thick clouds had drifted over the full moon, leaving shadows behind. Horatio couldn’t make out Snake’s facial features, let alone his body.

“I can see better in the dark than in the light. Can’t you?”

“No, dude, I can barely see you at all. Which sucks because you’re smokin’ hot.”

“Well, I can see you just fine and can attest that Sugar’s description is accurate. I would definitely call you ‘yummy.’” Snake slid back, and Horatio felt warm breath against his dick. “And this magnificent beast? Damn.”

Sometimes, Horatio felt the need to apologize for the size of his dick, but not with Snake. The dude swallowed his full length with ease and, from the sound of it, great pleasure. If you asked Horatio, there was nothing better than getting head from someone who enjoyed the act. Snake slurped and sucked, but the best part was his technique. With each pass, he felt Snake’s teeth glide against the top side of his dick, while Snake’s tongue fluttered over the underside. He stopped every so often to whisper dirty things like, “This big bastard would stretch my ass open wide, just the way I like it,” or, “That’s it, drip for me, you delicious motherfucker.”

Horatio writhed and dug his fingers into the flowers, pulling a few up by the roots and probably getting dirt under his nails. Not that he cared. “Dude, you’re gonna make me come, and I don’t want to yet.”

Snake stopped and glanced up at Horatio. For a second, his eyes glowed like a cat’s, until the clouds parted, and they turned back to the same striking metallic silver. Staring into those unusual eyes made Horatio dizzy, but he couldn’t look away. Snake blinked a few times. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to enthrall you.” He moved back up and kissed Horatio’s lips. “How about you fuck me with that bad boy, eh?”

“Enthrall? What does that mean?” Horatio asked. But when Snake rubbed his cock against Horatio’s, he no longer cared what “enthrall” or any other word meant. “Damn, it’s big,” Horatio said. “Roll over so I can get a decent look”

Snake laid on the grass with his arms crossed behind his head. “Mine’s not as impressive as yours.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Horatio wrapped his fingers around Snake’s dick. “Dude. You have the longest schlong I’ve ever seen.”

Snake laughed. “What’s a ‘schlong?’”

“It’s another word for cock. You don’t say that around here?”

“No, we call it a cock, or a dick, or a tool. Sometimes Sugar calls mine Big Daddy. Shit, did I say that out loud?” Snake giggled again. “I’m still high from the stuff we smoked.”

“Me, too. The buzz lasts for hours when you buy the good stuff.” Horatio tugged on Snake’s dick.

“This has got to be a foot long!” Snake’s cock was as flawless as the rest of him, with a narrow tip that leaked thick beads of pre-come. Horatio licked up and down the shaft. “There’s no way I can deep throat this.” Horatio rubbed his lips against Snake’s sack and wondered if the guy waxed his balls. He’d never felt a pair so smooth. He sucked one into his mouth and felt Snake tremble.

“Fuck, you’re good at that.” Snake’s moans split the quiet. Horatio had the vague notion that he should be afraid of cops showing up, or maybe that Meridian guy, but he was too busy being turned on.

“You’re making me come.”

Horatio put his mouth over the tip of Snake’s cock, eager to swallow his spunk, but the juices that hit his tongue tasted like honey. Shocked, he spit a large portion on the grass. “Why is your jizz so sweet?”

“Most guys enjoy it,” Snake said.

“I did,” he said. “It just freaked me out a little.” Horatio sucked another few drops from Snake’s slit. “Mmm, I want more.”

“I want yours first.” Snake rolled Horatio onto his back and sucked his cock with such intense suction that he milked Horatio’s balls in thirty seconds. “Nectar of the Gods. I need another mouthful of that,” Snake said.

Horatio panted. “I’ll need a few minutes to reload.”

“Not with me around,” Snake said. Horatio felt Snake’s mouth go over his scrotum and then a tickly sharp sensation followed by pure erotic bliss. Horatio shot a powerful load that went everywhere. Snake licked up a glob. “Delicious, but not as good as your blood. It tastes like a fine, aged Merlot.”

“Blood? Am I bleeding?” Horatio sat up and looked down at his chest, but all he saw were droplets of semen.

“No. I’m a vampire, and I sucked blood out of your nads. I could drink it from anywhere, but I prefer the scrotum. The blood is so hot there.”

“Vampire?” Horatio shook with fear.

“I won’t hurt you, lover. I only take little sips. Unless I’m in berserker mode, and, well, that’s a story for another day.” Snake held Horatio against his chest and stroked his hair. Horatio took comfort in Snake’s touch and warm skin. He got a good vibe from Snake, no matter what kind of creature he was.

“You’re having a tough night, huh?”

“Yeah. But I like you, man. Even though you’re a blood-sucking vampire.”

“My bite causes instant orgasm. What’s not to like?”

“Wow. That’s cool. Still thirsty?”

“I could go for more.” Snake kissed Horatio’s lips and chin. “I want to make you come harder than you ever have before.”

Horatio shivered. “And I want to let you.” He tried to say more, but Snake’s swirling corneas made his head spin.

Snake broke eye contact. “Sorry, I’m enthralling you again.”

“Dude, I have no idea what you mean.”

“We vampires can seduce with our gaze, enthrall our prey into submission. I taught myself how to squelch that power years ago because I want to be wanted for me, not because I bent someone to my will. But sometimes when I’m deep in the moment, I lose control. Sorry about that.”

“Seriously, you can enthrill me all you want. I’m DTF, Snake. Totally DTF.”

“Okay, first, the word is ‘enthrall,’ but I like ‘enthrill’ better. Second, what’s DTF?”

“Down to fuck.”

Horatio liked the way Snake smiled—seductive and slightly demonic—as he nudged Horatio off his lap. The smiled deepened when Horatio flattened himself against the flowers. Snake laid on his side, keeping eye contact while sucking his first and middle fingers. He said, “Open up for me.”

Horatio spread his legs, hoping Snake’s wet fingers were going up his ass, and then groaned like a lovesick gorilla when they did—sliding in with ease, as if coated with lube. He panted between grunts while those fingers massaged his sweet spot and gasped when his cock hardened again so soon after coming. Snake kissed Horatio’s hip, took a lick of his cockhead, and then his sack.

“Are you going to bite me now?” Horatio asked, slightly scared and a whole lot turned on. Snake nodded and opened his mouth wide, fangs growing longer right before Horatio’s eyes. “Those are some serious teeth, dude. Almost as long as your dick.”

When Snake’s fangs pierced his flesh, Horatio felt the same pleasurable sting, and then, like the vampire promised, the strongest orgasm of his life. Horatio thought he might explode into chunks, right there under the stars. Snake pulled his fingers out and looked at Horatio, face lit up in a sly smile. “What the hell did you do, and when can you do it again?”

“I massaged your prostate gland while I drank your blood. Pretty good, huh?”

“Dude, you are my new best friend. Fuck, I came so hard, I thought my teeth would shoot out of my dick.” Horatio wiped a glob off his chin. “Check it out. I jizzed up to my mouth!”

Snake collapsed next to Horatio. “Sucking blood makes me come, too, but only on the inside. Nothing shoots out. I’m spent.”

“Me, too,” Horatio said, resting his head on Snake’s chest. “You can’t get me home, can you?”

“Not at the moment,” Snake said. “See, Meridian has an object called the master key, which he can use to block access to any dimension. Of course, it also keeps him out of said dimension, which is why he doesn’t use it often. Meridian must want you for something important.”

“I didn’t think it was possible to travel to another dimension, let alone meet some whack job named Meridian. Why do you think he sucked me through that portal?”

“No idea, but we’ll find out.” Snake wrapped his arms around Horatio. “In the meantime, you’re safe with me.”

“Is he a bad dude? I mean, is he like a murderer or something?”

“Well, he murdered his father.”

A surge of anxiety forced bile into his throat, and Horatio thought he would puke again. “What should I do? Where should I go?”

“Let’s get dressed, and then I’ll take you back to my ship.”

“I don’t want to put you in danger.”

“I’m a space pirate, therefore, I’m always in danger. Besides, I didn’t fuck you yet.” Snake kissed Horatio’s lips. “Something tells me you’re an amazing fuck.”

Horatio kissed Snake right back. “I am. But what about Sugar?”

“Sugar will want to fuck you, too,” Snake said, tossing Horatio his shirt. “And so will the crew.”

Horatio’s mouth went dry. “The crew? How many are there?”

“Including Sugar, eight. Trust me on this, when you meet them, you’ll be DTF.”

After dressing and warning Horatio to “never mention this to Sugar,” Snake made another portal. In a blink, they were standing in front of what looked like an old-fashioned pirate ship, only dipped in chrome.

 “This is Frances,” Snake said proudly.

“Frances? What kind of name is Frances?”

“Frances happens to be my mother’s name,” Snake growled.

“And it’s a great name,” Horatio said. “You know what I just thought of? We’re from different dimensions, but we all speak English. Weird.”

“I’m not speaking English. I’m speaking the universal language,” Snake said.

Horatio took a step back. “You mean Esperanto?”

“No. I’m speaking Galaxian. We all speak Galaxian.”

Horatio grinned. “Sweet. I’m bilingual!”

When they got inside, eight identical blonds were standing there. “Is this him?” a hottie with a lip ring asked. “Is he the rock star?”

“Yes, Suki, this is Horatio Slice,” another one said. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Sugar. This is Slash, Saki, Suki, Seven, Six, Stiles, and Spinner. We’re the crew.”

The eight slips of androgynous perfection made Horatio’s nads ache and his head swim. Each wore a perfectly tailored business suit in deep black—cock and balls protruding from a slit in the front of their trousers. Perfectly styled blonde hair, enormous green eyes, Horatio was pretty sure he’d died and gone to heaven.

“Holy shit. Where can I get a crew like this? You’re all so cute, like sweet little girls, but with giant dicks.”

“What? We are so obviously not girls,” Suki said with a scowl. The rest glared at him, causing his asshole to clench in terror.

“Well, yeah, of course you’re not chicks, guys, but, whoa...you’re all so fucking pretty and adorable.” Judging by the way they advanced toward him, he was digging himself deeper.

“I’ll show him to a bunk and get him settled in, since he’ll be staying with us for a few days,” Snake said, tugging on Horatio’s sleeve. “He needs a shower and a long rest.”

Suki tugged on Horatio’s other sleeve. “No, Snake, allow us. He needs,” he paused dramatically, “the treatment.”

“You are absolutely right, Suki. The treatment.” Sugar had a naughty grin on his face. All eight men hauled him off, despite his protests.

“Wait, hey...where are we going? Save me, Snake!”