I work with this woman named Lucy. I’ve been working with her for a long time. She’s older than me. She’s a very thick, dark, black woman with heavy breasts and thighs, and her face has big, bold features. Big eyes. Wide nose. Big lips. Ugh, big lips...
And Lucy has this laugh. I don’t know how to describe it. It starts from deep down and finishes with these really high-pitched sounds. It’s endearing. It’s real.
Sometimes I look at her and all I want to do is touch her.
I don’t think of myself as being attracted to women. Lucy is my good friend, my coworker. I drink coffee with her at the lunch break. We gossip together, we eat together, we work together. She tells me stories about her old life in Barbados sometimes. And then we both go home to our separate lives.
But some days, I just really want to kiss her. Touch her face, her arm. I want to lick her skin. I feel like it would smell really sweet, like coconut. And it would taste really good. Warm and smooth. I’d just like to put my mouth on it.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me today. I’d just really like to kiss her. Nothing big, just soft, little kisses... on her cheek, maybe. Slow and gentle enough to tickle her a bit. I want to make her feel good.
I’m behind her now. I can see her back, her voluptuous body, with her thick legs and hips. She’s photocopying something. She has her hair up in a tiny little ponytail, and I can see her neck. Her ponytail is always so small. She tells me all the time how she tries to grow her hair, but it never grows. I like it that way.
She has her sassy face on. The same one she has when people leave a mess that she knows she’ll have to have to clean up. A disdainful little pout.
I really want to fucking kiss her.
I’m gonna do it.
I step up really quickly behind her. I muster up everything that I have and I kiss her.
I kiss Lucy!
This really quick kiss. Very fast, but very soft, on the back of her neck.
I can’t believe I just kissed Lucy...
I don’t know what to do, so I just stand right where I am. I can hear her breathing. I almost feel it. The way I’m standing, I’m right behind her, and my stomach is almost touching her. Almost, but not quite. And the tiny space between us is making my skin tingle.
I feel awkward, cold and sweaty. And shocked. I don’t know why I just did that.
Fuck. Why did I do that?
I don’t want to move though. Because I also really want to kiss her again. Kiss her shoulder. Slower this time, and longer. I just want to leave my mouth there, and feel her warmth. I want to press myself against her. I'd love to taste her.
‘Stephanie,’ she says. And that’s all she says for what seems to me like a really long time. The air feels hot and thick, my face is flushed, and I feel stupid. So stupid. My sweaty hands just lay by my sides, and my nerves kick in. I feel like this is the end of my career. But I still can’t move. I feel intoxicated.
She turns around a little bit, and she glances at me awkwardly. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
I want to say something else, but my tongue feels like it’s swollen and numb, and I can’t think of anything to say. Not a thing.
‘I’m sorry,’ I spit out, finally. I don’t feel sorry though. I feel stupid, but not sorry. I wanted to kiss her. I look at her face. She’s looking away and she’s standing very still.
I seriously don’t know what’s gotten into me today. But I feel brave. I kiss her again. On the cheek this time. Slower, stronger. I press my body closer to hers. My hands are still lying awkwardly by my side. I don’t know what to do with them. My face is close to hers, and I’m just breathing.
I’ve never felt more scared. I feel so connected to her, like no one else.
I kiss her on her neck, her sweet dark skin. I kiss her all over her neck, awkwardly and nervously. Wet, hot kisses. I feel absorbed by her skin, her earlobe, her breathing. She’s standing there.
Lucy, what are you thinking?
And then she touched my hand.
Like an electric shock, her fingers grabbed mine and gently squeezed. Her other hand is touching my thigh, just very lightly. I can’t describe it. Electric. Warm. Intense. Her fingers are needles. I can barely breathe. I can’t believe Lucy just touched me too.
What the fuck is going on.
I grab her stomach, her breasts, her hips. I’m touching her, over and over. I'm getting greedy. I can’t feel her enough. All of her feels new and familiar. I feel excited by the way she’s touching my thigh. She’s rubbing my inner thigh, sometimes pressing, sometimes gently moving up and down. Her other hand is still holding mine.
Lucy kisses me back. She’s turned around completely now, and we’re face to face. I don’t know how long we’ve been kissing. A long time. I want to lick her. Lick her lips, her cheeks.
I want to take her shirt off. I want to see her breasts hang low and heavy. I want to feel them. I want to put her nipples in my mouth. I'm dying to suck on them. I want to lick her entire stomach, bite the skin on her hips, and her thighs. I want to lick her calves, her feet, her toes. Her belly button. Her vulva.
I want to smell her, feel her, eat her.
She kisses my ear. It feels warm and wet, and it’s overwhelming me. Her hands are both gently grabbing my thighs from behind now, like a hug, and we’re kissing, licking and feeling each other’s bodies.
One of her hands presses gently between my legs. Softly at first, and then more firmly. She is rubbing over my panties and I begin pulsing. The way her mouth feels, her tongue flicking my earlobe, and her hand so gentle. The sensations are too much, and I stumble backwards.
I stagger back too far, and I hit a chair with my foot. It brings me back to reality.
We are still in the office.
The lighting in the printing room suddenly seems too bright, and I’m surprised no one has walked in here. I look at Lucy, stunned. I’m still flushed with excitement. It feels crazy now, us in this cold grey photocopying room.
Lucy seems awkward too. After some time, she grabs her papers, and walks to the door. Before leaving the room, she looks at me.
The way that she looks at me…
Fuck. I can’t wait to see Lucy again.