What a Girl Wants
“What would you like right now?”
He always asks this question. I want to appreciate it, but it drives me crazy. I never know what to say. I want to answer. I want to know what I want. But it has been so long since I have felt comfortable enough with someone even to consider what that answer might be. I don’t even know where to begin.
I’m laying facedown on his bed in my underwear. A small lamp next to the bed sets a feeble glow about the room. An increasingly familiar aromatic mixture of cologne and laundry detergent, dust and dog hair collecting in the corners of this aging room seeps down my throat as I breathe slightly beyond the pillow under my cheek.
As I peer into the near darkness, I mull his words over in my head, trying desperately to find my own. I don’t want to take too long to respond, but my reply is caught in the depths of a crevice somewhere and I feel like I don’t have the tools necessary to extract it.
“Hm?” he asks, almost as if he had heard my thought processes playing out.
You had an answer when you were daydreaming yesterday, says the little voice in my head. Just say it out loud and see how it goes. Yet I continue to hesitate. My face is strategically placed in the shadows so he can’t easily see my frustration. He is behind me, lightly massaging up and down the bare skin of my back. His hands are warm, and strong, and he touches me with a tenderness I have not known in years.
What do you want? You like this. Maybe you just want him to keep doing what he’s doing. Just woman up, and say… Something. Anything.
The little voice is right. I decide that it’s high time I take some risks. I lift myself up and turn around to face him.
“For starters, I would like you to kiss me like you mean it.” I have no idea where that came from. I guess the cheeky little inside voice is trying to escape.
I get up on to my knees and crawl a pace closer to him. Kneeling in front of him, I pause for a moment. Not a hesitation, just a pause.
I look into his eyes for a moment, remember how safe I feel with him, and look down at my hands again.
This won’t last. But you can allow yourself to enjoy it while it does.
With eyes partly closed, I lean my face in towards his, and he meets my cheek with the palm of his hand before we come together for a simple kiss. His lips match his hands in their warmth and soft strength.
I take his face in both hands as I kiss him back. He places his hand on the small of my back and we pull into one another. Our chests inch towards each other until the tips of my nipples graze his skin. His other hand scoops the back of my head, and he weaves his fingers into my hair for reassurance.
“I want you to kiss my neck,” I say softly. I feel like my voice would falter if I say it too loudly. The assertiveness of the words still taste somewhat foreign on my tongue.
With his grip secured, he pulls my head back gently to expose my neck. He wets his lips and traces the length of it with soft, slow kisses from the base of my ear down to my edge of my clavicle.
My breath has intensified. I can feel my pulse gradually elevate every time his lips pull away and invite the air to take his place on my skin. My head lolls into his palm behind my head and I close my eyes, running my fingers through his curly hair.
He traces the length of my clavicle with his lips, edging towards the tip of my shoulder.
“I want you to bite me,” I say. “Just a little bit.”
He alters his path, moving his mouth back towards my neck. He nips gently at the flesh of my shoulder near the crook of my neck. I swoon as he lightly pinches the skin between his front teeth and releases, suturing that imaginary wound with another kiss. He plants a few more bites along the way before finally passing under my chin. He caresses the top of my sternum with his lips and creeps up the other side of my neck. He sneaks the tip of his tongue into my ear, and I shiver. It tickles. First I cringe, my shoulder pinching up towards my ear. But then I giggle because I actually kind of like it, and the tension in my shoulder releases to invite him in closer.
I feel a tension rise in my hip flexors and groin muscles, and realize that I’m still kneeling. My knees are gradually stretching further away from each other as I sink into the bed. I lean back slowly and straighten my legs out in front of me, coaxing him to shift towards me. Lips locked once again, he crawls on top of me and gently lowers his body onto mine. I feel snug and safe under his weight as he teases my hips with the soft rolling rhythm of his.
Our lips and hands find more confidence in this new position. He slips the tip of his tongue subtly into my mouth. I note that our exchange is moist, but not wet. For some reason, I really like that right now. I slide my hand down his spine and grab a handful of ass flesh to declare my approval, and I sink my tongue a little deeper into his mouth in return.
As we carry on, I start to feel more self-assured. “I want you to go down on me,” I say. “But not right away. I want you to take your time getting there.” I stare at the ceiling for a moment. “Tease me, ” I add.
He pulls back from me enough to move his face in line with my chest. He kisses slowly down the length of my sternum as the fingertips of one hand softly swirls around the side of my breast.
“I like when you touch me like that,” I reassure him.
He pulls back to let his hands take over. He slowly traces the skin all over my torso with the ends of his fingers. As he moves down the side of my ribs, I feel my lower back arch spontaneously. I feel the steadiness of his breath, and try to match his pace. After a few inhalations, I decide it’s too deep. His lungs are too powerful for mine to keep up, and it’s beginning to distract me. He rests his hand in the valley of my waist for a moment before moving lower as I release a long, sultry exhalation to resume my natural rate of respiration.
I let my head fall back into the pillows behind me as he palms my outer thighs and folds over to kiss my stomach. Leaning his cheek for a moment on my abdomen, he releases his grip and resumes the light touches along the outside of my legs and up the side of my ribcage. Without lifting my head, I rest one hand on his arm to follow along with his motions, and run the other hand as far down his back as my arms’ reach allows.
Lying on his stomach, he moves his body even further down the bed. My knees are bent and held together by his embrace. He grazes the outside of my hip and, by moving his hand to my inner thigh and kissing my knee, he asks permission to spread my legs apart. I let my knees fall to either side. He runs his hand up my inner thigh into the crook of my groin, and starts to follow the same line with his mouth.
He can bite you there too, you know.
“You can bite me there too.”
His kisses change to light nips as he moves down my thigh from my knee. Testing my threshold, the nibbles gradually increase in intensity until I signal that he found the line between pleasure and pain with an inhalation that was much sharper than the rest. He licks the heat from my groin, and his breath lingers heavily on my vulva.
I swoon, imagining my pulse beating into his mouth as he passes over to continue his slow tease. I feel the fingerprints that he left behind light up as he finds their reflections on the mirrored path down my other leg.
His lips move back to my loins. I imagine he can feel my heat on his face. His breath hovers over my clitoris, and I feel it throb in favour. He kisses each of my labia and, as I stretch my knees a little further apart, he licks along the taut line of my groin.
I feel the wetness of his tongue touch the tip of my clit. He draws a circle once around it, and slides his tongue between my labia, gently prying them apart to mix my wetness with his. With the flat of his tongue, he moves back up toward my swollen clitoris. This time he stays there. He moves the tip of his tongue up, catching the underside of the hood.
It’s too much. I breathe in sharply and gently grab a fistful of his hair to pull him back. “Careful under there,” I say. “I guess I’m pretty sensitive tonight.”
He flattens his tongue to continue moving up and down over my clit, and transitions into a light circular motion around the hood. The heat of his breath is not the same as the warmth of his wet tongue, yet they manage to reach a sort of harmony together. I moan approvingly and let my hand caress the side of his head nestled between my legs.
My other arm is above my head, lazily twirling my hair around my middle finger. As he maintains his slow, consistent rhythm around my clit, I feel my hips begin to thrust softly on their own. Shivers swell and release in the small of my back. I grind my vulva a little harder into his face. He doesn’t skip a beat, moving right along with my pelvic waves.
Without distracting his tongue, he brings one hand up to my groin. He rests it there for a moment before letting his thumb sneak over to massage my labia. I feel my loins beg for him to touch me deeper. He gently persuades them apart and coaxes the opening to my pussy with the pad of his thumb. This in conjunction with the unfaltering sway of his tongue on my clit induces a full body moan, and I feel myself melt deeper into the mattress.
“I want you to use your fingers too,” I sigh.
He pulls away from my clitoris for a moment, kisses up my inner thigh again and looks up at me. His gaze is intense, and I look away shyly, resting my head back into the pillow. He takes his index finger and slides it inside me as he brings his lips back to my clit. He sucks on it gently, and then resumes tracing circles; his pace has quickened, and he slides his finger in and out at a slower yet complimentary tempo.
He adds a second finger. Rather than the simple in-and-out now, he transitions to moving these two fingers as if coyly beckoning me to come hither. They curl up to caress the bumpy roof of my vaginal wall, and I feel my lower body twitch aggressively in response to this rubbing sensation. It takes me by surprise - I really can’t tell if it came from my hips or my lower back. I plant my feet into the bed on either side of him and raise my hips, as if to bring the front of my tailbone to touch ceiling.
I find the gradual build of tension in my loins is simultaneously exhilarating and torturous. I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore. I clutch the sheets. I throw the pillow across the room. I pull his hair. I pull my hair. I grab my breast. I don’t really feel anything by doing so, but I squeeze it again anyways. I squeeze my other breast. I stroke my own neck. I press more firmly into my feet and feel the tension grow in my hips. I worry my hip will cramp up. I disregard that sensation.
A tingling feeling wells between my eyebrows, which move up my forehead as if I was struck by a sudden sense of confusion. The muscles in my neck tighten as I press the back of my head into the mattress. I hang on the brink of excruciatingly blissful oblivion for what feels like a tiny eternity. Finally, the pressure building between my clit and his tongue meets its breaking point.
I surrender into an explosive contraction that erupts from somewhere deep in my loins and feel my vaginal grip tighten around his fingers. I observe my whole body to dilate and contract, and I moan aggressively into the darkness. Every subsequent contraction after this moment is a little less powerful, but clings a little longer than the first until eventually they too fade into that oblivion I had just tasted. Pulse throbbing in my throat and in the back of my head, my hips lower gradually back down to the mattress.
I become aware of the fact that his mouth is no longer pressed against me. I slurp in the air like I’m learning to breathe for the first time as he slowly draws his fingers out from its wet sheath of my flesh.
“Oh, God.” A shiver shoots from between my shoulder and runs halfway down my spine as we disconnect.
He sits back while I wriggle from one side to the other on the bed in front of him. I shield my eyes from a non-existent light. I can still feel the echoes of contractions pulsing from my clit as I catch my breath. He laughs. I assume I look ridiculous. Fucked if I care.
I sit up too quickly and feel light-headed. I take a moment to look around the room and let my eyes readjust to their surroundings as I come down.
Reaching across the bed, I pull him in and press my lips to his. I tease his mouth with my tongue while I kiss him, and gently bite his bottom lip. My hand sneaks into his lap. I feel around over his underwear to find that his penis semi-erect.
I really look into his eyes for the first time since we entered the room. “I really want you inside me,” I say, stroking the material cloaking his shaft. NOW.
I pull at his waistband, and he hurries to disrobe.
I lean back on to the bed again, pulling his naked body down with mine. Between my strokes and the effects of gravity pulling the blood towards the tip of his member, I feel him swell and grow more rigid in the palm of my hand. I wrap my fingers around his circumference and guide the tip of his penis to the puddle of wetness his fingers just left behind. His hand replaces mine and he slowly rubs the head of his cock up and down my wet labia, taunting me with a mini-massage before proceeding to the inevitable.
I feel him stiffen even more as he slides slowly inside me, expanding and pushing the limits of my vaginal walls all along the way. His body submits into mine, and I wrap my arms around his neck. My inner thighs grip him firmly around his waist as he repeatedly plunges his cock into me. I can feel its upward curve rub into the edges of my insides as he pulls out.
Moaning, I bury my face into his neck and gently bite into the flesh of his shoulder. Our bodies rock on the mattress, and I feel the bed frame shift on the floor beneath us. He kisses me fiercely. I feel him pant into my open mouth. I hold his head in both hands, and lift my hips up into his, encouraging him to go deeper.
I growl hungrily, feeling his cock tapping repetitively at my depths, and kiss him once more before pushing him right off of me. He is taken aback, and almost falls off the bed.
“I want you to take me from behind,” I say, turning around onto my hands and knees.
He approaches me from somewhere in the darkness behind me, and mounts me with the brute majesty of a lion. He slides in with ease, and familiarizes himself with our pace once again. I feel him reaching even deeper inside me than before. I nearly collapse into the bed. Collecting myself, I whip my head to flip my hair out of my face and back behind me.
He should pull your hair.
“I want you to pull my hair.”
Obediently, he gathers a handful of hair near my scalp and pulls my head back to one side hard enough to create the strain I’m looking for.
He thrusts harder and deeper, and tightens his grip on my hair. He moans softly into the vastness of the room. I can tell that his stamina to prolong his own pleasure is already beginning to wear thin. I lean my chest into the bed in front of me, and I feel his hand apply pressure to the middle of my back to press me down a little deeper into the mattress.
Post-orgasmic hiccups shiver in my vulva and into the space beneath his flat palm. I bite into the fitted sheet that has loosened since we started, and I renounce any desire to assert any control.
Now, I just want to be here with you.
More by Queen Jayne:
The Birthday Bash
Comings and Goings
Diamonds and Pearls
The Edge of Glory
Expressions of Grief
For Dommestic Use Only
Strangers on a Train